I Love You... The Mostest

Me and My Granny : ) In her memory, here's a story behind our famous line to each other (said every time we had to say goodbye)...it was, "I love YOU the MOSTEST."

I can't exactly remember how it all started, because I was ALWAYS spending time w/her (we were crazy close).. but I do know it started when I was very young. Of course, when we said goodbye we always said I love you to each other but I guess that common phrase was just TOO common for Granny and I. You see, normalcy has never been our style in life so we turned the common phrase into a "who felt it the most" kind of game. It was just our thing and had turned into this fun little competition (which she loved) over the years, for who could get the last one in each time (silly stubborn Irish lasses!). However, it was the last battle that is most memorable to me, and I let her win it... it were those very words that were her LAST words, said to me, right before she passed away in the hospital this past Summer (2008). I still remember like it was yesterday... The whole family had been camped out in her room and at the time I was standing right by her bedside, sad & looking at her just lying there so frail and lifeless. She hadn't been lucid or able to move or communicate w/any of us and the doc didn't think this state would change. He basically said he was surprised she hadn't passed yet... but we were all there, no matter what (the entire family). Well, she (in this terminal state) suddenly opened her eyes, looked right at me, reached out and grasped my hand, pulled me down close to her, all the while looking directly in my eyes the whole time, and said to me... slow but steady, "I love YOU the MOSTEST." The whole room and everyone in it seemed to freeze to me because it was so emotionally moving, and I barely managed to muster out a reply. I pulled up my other hand and squeezed her hand tight with both hands, smiled a very sad smile at her, and looked into her eyes in silence for some time while tears streamed all down my face and I finally said to her, "I'll let you win this time." There was a moment between us then (of love and of silence) and then she smiled at me... her very last smile. And you know (when I look back on it)... Damnit, if she hadn't just got the last word in and won our lifelong competition (THAT was MY Granny, a stubborn & willful player to the end)... but I will NEVER in my LIFE forget that moment.

Ride a Bicycle, Summon Your Inner Child

Have you ever gotten to the point in life that you feel like everyone and everything is against you for some unknown reason and your stress level seems so high that you feel like you are on the verge of some total spontaneous combustion. Well, I think we all have been there at some point in life and if you haven't then you're time is probably on the horizon as I type... just sayin'! I mean, it happens to the best of us. Personally, I think when we've reached that point it's a necessity to take a step back, breath in some fresh air, and get back to a good place in your body mind & soul. I find the best way to get there is through getting in touch with your inner child (if only for a moment). It can work wonders on your emotional state (and outward appearance!). It's all personal as to what has the ability to get you there, but it really is the best antidote in a time of high, seemily unrelenting, stress... in this day and age of holistic medicine, the best "natural" remedy.

Children have a natural way of being able to truly be fully engaged in and enjoy the moment. As adults, we have so much information going on internally in our minds and so many constant external responsibilities that we're juggling and pressures that it is difficult (if not impossible) at times to truly live in the moment and to fully get pleasure out of life. I have realized this more than ever lately, as more and more responsibilities get presented to me or put on my plate (so to speak)... sometimes when it gets like this and you aren't feeling completely prepared for it all you can definitely feel as if you're having to bite off more than you can or want to chew. On another note, I'm also currently dating a man who has two very young children, so the thoughts of those very big added responsibilities to my life can weigh on my mind a bit and overwhealm me. Don't get me wrong, I love kids... but I've personally never had or dealt with them in a relationship or on a daily basis.. and, more importantly, in a parental role. My life has, up to this point, mainly been all about me and taking care of myself. However, with that said, being around and watching his kids reminds me just how simple and fun life used to be and feel as a child... even how much more and often they laugh during the day is simply amazing to me at times. Childhood, it really is a truly beautiful thing and wonderful time in life.

Well, with all this said... After a week of being run down by my thoughts and pressures of my so-called adult life, I was in deep reflect of everything that lay before me and was dragging me down (internally & externally). I came to the conclusion that I needed a break or I was going to break (or break something!)... I didn't realize until my boyfriend and I decided to head out early one summer morning on a bike ride (we called it the Urban Assault). He didn't have the kids this day so it was just us and our bikes to focus on, and I had no idea beforehand that our little bike ride would have such an impact on me. I hadn't been on my bike in awhile, which is funny because I used to be out on my bike all the time before we started dating. I was a pretty avid cyclist before our relationship took off and I really LOVED the long-distance all day group rides. I suppose I just found myself too busy with other things that I was devoting my time to and trying to figure out(aka: the kids in my life now), so going on rides has been pushed to the back burner in my life. However, I can honestly say that our simple decision to go on a ride was the best one we've made together to do as a couple in awhile. He may not realize this but it was just what the doctor ordered for me with how I'd been feeling... getting on my old bike and taking it out for a little spin and a little adventure made me feel totally rejuvenated inside. I honestly felt like a kid again, and I could feel the happiness surging back into my tethered veins as we spontaneously rode through the streets around the city and the neighborhood. I just wanted to laugh again... OUTLOUD.. as I felt the old familiar burn in my legs while the wind blew all through my hair and all over my skin. It made me feel alive.. not only was my mouth smiling... but my soul felt like it was smiling, and thanking me. I never realized until that moment, how much I love riding a bike and how just hopping on a bicycle again can take you back to that beautiful and happy place called childhood.. even if only for a moment.

I Love Me, I Love Me Not

Isn't it funny how most everything that happens in your life comes down to one simple thing.... how you feel about yourself. This one thing can either help move mountains and create luck or it can sink a battleship and burn bridges. Our attitude and feelings about ourselves flow into every aspect of our lives on a daily basis.... work, relationships, and extracuricular activities (ex: sports, hobbies). It shows on our faces, in our body language, and how we treat & interact with other people.

Burnt Cheez-Its

Ok, so here I am... a total virgin to this blogging thing, so needless to say, I have no earthly idea what I'm doing right now. However, I guess it's what these social media tech savy people call "blogging". Anyway, I titled this "burnt cheez-its" because my boyfriend brought up the fact that I should use that as a subject matter the other night... after I informed him that I had started my own blog. I think his exact reaction was... "So what are you going to write about.... burnt cheez-its??" Well.. I got upset, taking the comment as a belittling joke at my ability to write a worthy blog. Of course, he was only teasing me at the time and didn't mean it that way.. but being the sensitive woman that I am, I took it that way and to spite him also made it the title of my very first blog entry. That's right... "As a matter of fact I will write about burnt cheez-Its. What now?!" (hehe) Anyway, so with all that said as my introduction.. that is how this title came to be. So, in my own way, I am paying tribute to my joker boyfriend and honoring his sarcastic remark here. I do love him dearly, with all my heart... I do.

Well every silly title needs an explanation, so yes... there is a story behind the title here so let's just get right to it. First thing you must know, I am a big fan of the Kelloggs/Sunshine creation called Cheez-Its (cheese crackers) & I especially love the ones you find in the box with the little burnt edges. Seriously, you know what I'm talking about if you really love them like me... I mean, I will pick around in the entire box to find those little tasty morsels! Anyway, with that said.. I seriously think they should make a box that came with all of them that way so one afternoon during a day off from work I decided to try to make my wish come true. I went out and bought a box of regular cheez-its, poured the entire box onto a baking pan, sprayed a little bit of the olive oil cooking spray on them and then tried baking them at 250 degrees. Then I waited... and waited... and waited. Well, it just didn't seem to be working so it was then that I made the oh so brilliant decision to turn on the broil option instead.. AND then left the room to fold laundry.

Yeeeeah.... BIG MISTAKE.

As I was in the middle of my nonchalant laundry folding, a cloud of smoke billowed out from my kitchen area and I smelt the burnt smell that I have come to be so familiar with in the kitchen (ok, so cooking is not my strong suit). Well, I ran into my smoke filled kitchen cursing myself the entire time. When I went to open the oven a big flame leaped out at me.. the cheez-its were on fire in my oven! I then totally freaked out as I mentally foreshadowed burning down my entire apartment building over trying to brown some cheez-its... this is not the front page story that I have dreamt of all my life.

So, in my moment of foreshadowing complete and utter doom, I picked up my phone & dialed 911, as any of sane mind gal would do (right?!)... yes of course, it was totally on "OMG, WTF do I do?!" impulse. Per usual procedure, the operator asked what my emergency was and when I blurted out the word "fire" they immediately allerted the local fire department to come out to the scene. Ok, I admit, I can be quite the little drama queen in times of emotional distress. Anyway, no later than 3 minutes after I hung up, I hear the sirens. Wonderful, I think.. the entire fire department is coming to save me from a bunch of burning cheez-its in my oven. This is classic. Well, long story short... they did arrive and I reluctantly led them to the scene of the crime, or so I felt. Yes, once at the scene they got more than a chuckle out of it, probably mostly out of me (the neighborhood wannabe arsonist). Yes, I felt pretty embarrassed to say the least, but one thing was a positive for me in the end.. they didn't jet very quick, they stayed and chatted for a while there in my dink box kitchen and were all extremely easy on the eyes too. That's right ladies... YUUUUUMMMMMY!!! I am talking not your average joe fireman, but pin up perfect firemen that many of us women all over the country have fantasies about coming to our rescue in our private lives (or not so private, whatever works for ya!). I seriously had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't all just some crazy dream. So anyway, if there was a good outcome to the slightly ego squashing story here... it was definitely that. And in the end, needless to say, after I told my boyfriend he got more than a few laughs at my expense.. & rightly so, as I will probably never live it down. However, I just have to keep saying... God Bless hot men in uniform, even if it does take a pretty quirky idea gone completely wrong to get them to show up at your door. ;)

*** Closing Notation: I had no idea until I did a little web surfing that there is actually a petition for us "slightly burnt cheez-it" lovers out there to sign in hopes to get a box of our "favorite flavor" up on the shelves. Just click on this sight and sign it if your little heart desires like mine: http://www.petitiononline.com/kjr928/petition.html